February 13, 2010 - by Diann Cameron Kelly
With our school semester well underway, it gives me pause to think of the many youth for whom going to school is a daunting and negative experience. What makes it daunting and negative? Bullying.
Bullying, to me, is a national emergency. Across the country, young girls and boys face continued violence at the hands and minds of their predatory peers. This violence includes psychological, physical and sexual violence everyday in the school and their community.
Further, it seems as though children are asked to handle these youthful predators on their own, with no interference from a protective adult. But I beg to differ. We know who the bullies are and where they attack -- cafeterias, study halls, locker rooms, and other places where there is minimal adult supervision. Last term, my eldest daughter, a middle schooler, came to my husband and I with this worried look on her face. She said, "mama, I need $20." I said, "what, there's another trip?" This question referred to the $20 I had just given her for a school activity." My eldest says, "well... this girl.... she saw the $20 and said that I have to bring her $20 or else she'll beat me up." Now, I tried to be very calm in presence and in tone but it was very difficult. There was a child out there attempting to prey on my child.
So we decided we were going to tackle this as a family. We gave her options "we" could do -- 1) give the child $20; 2) inform the school of this predator and ask to speak to the child's mother -- which presents as a "kiss of death" in school because you're deemed as one who cannot handle his/her own affairs (I'd like to know who makes up this stuff); 3) just fight and pray our eldest wins, which would result in suspension and physical injury; and, 4) be "armed" with the look and the words to "disable" the predator. We chose number 4. My eldest went to school the next day and said to the young girl when she asked for her money, "if you really need money you need to go see your guidance counselor and maybe she can give you support services. Otherwise stop being a bully." Our baby walked away -- shaken, but untouched. She said this in front of the group of kids the young lady brought with her to intimidate my child. She was tested once more and provided a similar response, "stop being a bully...." To this day, that young lady does not come toward my child. Is that child still bullying though? Yes, and the school community knows....
We are no longer speaking about "boys will be boys" and "just girls misbehaving." On the contrary, we are speaking about underage predators. And, such predatory behaviors need to be revealed, noticed and addressed. Childhood bullies objectify and prey upon children who present as easy to overpower and subjugate. It is the same dynamic we see in adult physical and sexual predators who seek out their victims and prey upon their inability to defend themselves. We all have a responsibility to protect children, even when we are protecting children from themselves. This includes concerted efforts by parents, relatives, schools and neighbors alike.
Sometimes parents believe the bullying is a reflection on them. However, doing nothing is a reflection on the parent's inability to do something. Addressing their own child and their child's behavior speaks to a parent being an engaged parent. Further, schools and communities have a direct responsibility to keeping children safe. Many schools and communities may say they have many more issues then bullying, like guns, drugs, gambling and teen pregnancy. There is a suburban school district I know that currently has a profound gambling problem among its high school students. In one particular instance, one student who owed a lot of money to one "high school bookie" was beaten severely because of the student's inability to pay his debts from the bets he made on the high school football games. So, yes there is significant violence across the spectrum in schools and communities. However, we must address the base of the pyramid with regard to "youth violence" and it is bullying -- a predatory disregard of children by children.
To diminish bullying, we must make certain that youth are a part of the governance of their community. This statement is resoundingly clear from the number of studies by Adelphi faculty examining youth violence, engaged youth in communities, and family and community violence and its impact on youth development. Outcomes show that youth require access to resources and capital, access to ideas that are active, engaged and formative, and also access to hope where they can see their dreams as realities. We are speaking about sports, civic groups, and entrepreneurial opportunities where youth can build their skills and abilities so their earnings potential and quality of living over time are exponentially enhanced.
Most youth are involved in society from a variety of formal and informal civic associations and community organizations, such as scouting, mentoring, environmental workshops and collaborative projects, athletic teams, as well as literary and art groups (i.e. spoken word) that ensure an engaged and vocally-active youth. Focusing on youth who have a desire to be involved is just as significant as focusing on youth who are deemed as at-risk. When we do this, as the protectors of society, we protect children who are engaged; objectified by youth and adult predators; and, who stand facing the violence... alone.
Bullying cannot be ignored, as it is predatory behaviors.
November 08, 2009 - by Diann Cameron Kelly
How will you spend this Veterans' Day?
Are you taking a Vet to
breakfast, or maybe lunch? Are you spending time with him or her
watching a parade go by, or watching people watch you and your favorite
Vet parade through those streets?
Whatever you plan to do, thank
you! Thank you for honoring, acknowledging, even reflecting on the
sacrifices veterans have made on our behalf and in our name as Americans.
My
father is over 80 years old and served nearly 20 years in our US Army
from the mid 1940s to the early 1960s. For the first 30 years of my life, I
watched him attempt to overcome the past and wrestle with what was and
seemingly unchangeable if not unbearable. Over 15 years later, you will find him resigned to
what is and more likely reliable and tangible. When I asked him several years ago how
did he resolve his war-battled past, if at all he did, he responded
"your mom... I don't know what I'd do without her; she loved me back
to life."
"Loved me back to life." Those words have remained
with me and continue to inspire me. I know there are countless men and
women who wrestle with the transition and reintegration issues that "returning
home" brings. We can never truly comprehend the existential vacuum that
many of our Vets endure across decades, especially in the early years of
their reintegration. When all we see is the anger, the moodiness, the
impulsivity, the inability to obtain or maintain a job, we are
drastically missing their isolation, alienation, pain, suffering and
unrequited remorse.
Veterans Day is more than
honoring the men and women who fought for an American ideal, cause, or
political-economic interest; it is also a day for their beneficiaries
(us) to take a moment and
1. Be an advocate - raise your voice
among the federal and local legislators and public servants to ensure,
year-round, our fellow Americans who sacrificed much have their basic needs
met (i.e. housing to ensure against homelessness, excellent health care
that does not stigmatize our Vets, etc.), as well as fluid access to jobs and education
to promote social and economic mobility as civilians. The extensive
research of Robert Rosenheck, MD of Yale University's School of Medicine-Psychiatry, Linda Bilmes of Harvard University's Kennedy School of Government, and Christopher Erbes and Melissa Polusny both of the US Department of Veterans Affairs - Minneapolis/University of Minnesota Medical School clearly demonstrate that
Vets and their practitioners cannot do the advocacy, outreach and social change for Vets alone. They need
all of us.
2. Volunteer and Give (time & resources) - to causes and organizations
who address the needs of Vets throughout the year. Too many Vets are cut
off from our society, and they need to
be re-engaged in the social and cultural activities of our nation.
Volunteers who directly lend that supportive hand and ear, and those who provide financial support to these causes, can make a
significant difference in the quality of life of a Vet. From
organizations like IAVA and Veterans of America to the tireless practitioners heading programs and services of the regional and local Veterans' Administration Centers across our nation, there are
too many opportunities for us to inspire, motivate, listen, and learn from
the men and women who gave their "shoulders" for peace and democracy to
stand upon.
3. Finally, vote in unison. While we may have
differing political views as a populace, too many of us have or know
someone who has loved ones who are Vets or about to be transitioned
from active duty to Vet status. Currently, many of our Vets returning
home from Iraq and Afghanistan are younger and find themselves with
significantly high unemployment rates and increased homelessness, not to mention health concerns (physical and mental) that may affect their mobility and relationships within civilian contexts. These young
men and women, and their older counterparts require educated and
attentive legislators and public servants. In this time of war, and even during peace time, we should measure our public servants by their
actual legislative support of our Vets and their families. For as long
as I can remember, we have marginalized our Veterans and their families.
We have kept legislators in office who continued to make our Veterans
invisible in our society for untold decades, with slight-of-hand benefits and health care standards that should have caused us the greatest of sorrows. The inattentiveness of
legislators toward our Vets, however, speaks to the lack of overt concern and
regard demonstrated by their constituencies. When
constituents show we care more for and value our Vets and their lifetime of service, federal and local
legislators will do more for our Vets across their life spans.
The greatest recruitment tool we
have to sustain our volunteer armed forces is an engaged and visible
Veteran. He or she is able to speak to life after civilian-status (i.e.
when military life begins), from active duty days in war or peace time
to the varied and hopeful opportunities awaiting a Veteran when they reintegrate and serve as Veterans through the rest of their days. Our
Veterans are not just former soldiers. These men and women are
faithful, liberty-believing broad "shoulders" whom we rest our
assurances, trust and critiques of democracy upon.
Veterans Day 2009... No
longer should Vets struggle with a question "what if....". As their families "love them back to life," let's show our Veterans this day and every day "what is..." an engaged citizenry committed year-round to the
support of men and women who offered their "shoulders" to ensure a
sustained democracy here and abroad.
November 02, 2009 - by Diann Cameron Kelly
Right now we’re nearly concluding our electoral season and our celebration of our voters. We are just a few hours away from our
Election Day. Here in the New York
metropolitan area, there are many municipal elections, from town supervisors
and mayors, to court judges and district attorneys, and much more. Two wonderful friends are running for town
council in their districts in Englewood, New Jersey and in Rye, New York. While I cannot name them here, I wish them
the best in their respective elections and hope Wednesday morning continues the
celebration for them.
Overall, the actual celebration is for us – the individuals
who are granted a right to vote and who choose to exercise that freedom on
election days. The celebration is for
groups of individuals who ushered in a sea of electoral change on a federal
level during last year’s electoral celebration.
It will be very interesting to see whether, on a local level, people
remained in a season of “change,” or if we choose to keep the management of our
cities, towns, courts and states the same.
I spent this week speaking with many friends and neighbors
to get a pulse of what many were planning to do for Voters’ Celebration Day. For the persons I’ve spoken with, they are ready to repeat last year and
cross party lines to demonstrate their electoral choices in local races in
Westchester County and New York City.
Some of the republicans are voting for democratic candidates, some of
the democratic voters prefer the republican candidates, and a few of the
independent candidates said they wouldn’t know until their moment in the voting
booth. But then genuinely asked, “what
did [the incumbent] do anyway?”
The reasons why there may have been an assortment of
responses could be attributed to the ages, socio-economic backgrounds and level
of civic engagement – particularly the electoral engagement of the persons I
spoke with this week. The research of Neil
Howe and Reena Nadler asserts that millennials (individuals born after 1982)
have beliefs, values and priorities that present as more progressive and
focused on building and shaping an engaged and socially networked society than their
older voters. Further, Lance Bennett’s
work on political communication, civic engagement and civic identity offers
that generational shifts have changed how we see ourselves in society,
politically participate and engage in society, and how our civic activities,
due to our generational perspectives, influence our civic identities (i.e.
dutiful or actualizing) and our electoral choices. Finally, the work of Constance Flanagan,
Peter Levine and Richard Settersten, entitled Civic Engagement and the Changing Transition to Adulthood, reminds
us of how socio-economic status, education and familial and institutional
connectedness (i.e. intact families, colleges, workplaces, etc.) are strong
predictors to sustained electoral engagement and voting practices from late
adolescence through older adulthood.
No one can predict the outcomes of the elections planned for
tomorrow, and incumbents and challengers must work until their polls
close. That is true. However, I wonder if the season of “Yes, We
Can!” continues into this season of another Voters’ Celebration Day. I wonder whether people still see this
electoral season as a season of change. Wednesday
morning many persons will assert what the outcomes of the voting results
indicate. Many may even try to tie the
outcomes to the current Presidential administration’s work and directives. However, I focus on what these individuals
told me, they want:
- leadership: real leadership in their district and not politics as usual….
- intelligence and wisdom: people who are smart and not hand-picked by the party….
- service-oriented: someone who will enhance quality of life for the district….
- inclusive and accessible: someone who thinks about the whole county not just one neighborhood…
These and other statements offer that many of these people
don’t believe they are receiving responsible leadership from their town
supervisors/mayors/county leaders, district attorneys, judges or council members. Many of these persons want smart and
effective leadership, and seemed determined to try the challenger than keep the
incumbent.
Their views are not representative of the public. But, who knows what will happen on Wednesday
morning… the day after Voters’ Celebration Day, where voters chose to stand in
the warm glow of freedom to speak one’s mind to the elected and their appointed
leadership.
Can this be a warm up to the 2010 elections?
Happy Election Day! Enjoy
the celebration and don’t forget to vote!
