April 05, 2011 - Lindsey
Moments ago while poking around on facebook in an effort to procrastinate I received an invitation to the Adelphi MFA Thesis Readings. And lo and behold my name was typed in on April 26th. This little electronic invite signifies something very important in the life of a student: graduation! And something very scary: graduation... Or I suppose the real scary thing is no longer being a student, and having to get a "real" job. And turning into my parents? I may be looking too far ahead on that one.
However, this e-vite, and the second round of readings of the dramatic writing MFA students' plays (which happened yesterday for me and the other two graduating playwrights) have caused me to think over my MFA journey.
A long, long time ago in the village of Garden City- well, that's how the storybook or Disney version might begin, however, I think I'll just get to the point and leave out the fantasy and glamor. I came to the MFA program having taken only one creative writing class. A playwriting class at the state university here in good old Connecticut. In that class I created a one act play, which I submitted as part of my application to the Adelphi MFA program. Obviously I got in as here I blog, but those first few classes as a graduate student left me with massive doubts about whether I belonged and if I could get through (emotionally, physically, mentally, and every other way you might be able to think of). I spent many a night reading and re-reading my notes, looking up definitions to words I didn't fully understand (but were apparently essential to the craft of writing), pounding down espresso-bombs (that's a shot of espresso dropped into a cup of black coffee - much like a jagerbomb, but non-alcoholic), and staring at a blank computer screen sobbing out of frustration.
Sounds fun, right? Tolerable, maybe?
Alright, it sounds terrible. And often I thought, "I should just get a business degree", or "Maybe I could be a pastry chef", but there was this annoying unnameable thing pushing me to write. So I wrote and my second semester wasn't so bad. I drank less caffeine and only cried once or twice.
Then came my thesis.
And she/he/it has been devilish. I have friends that have kids and say how those little creatures keep them up at night with their crying, bed wetting, needing food, getting sick, and a whole slew of other things I usually tune out during the description of. They're tortured by these things they've given life to. And that, I tell them, is exactly what my thesis has done to me (this is usually when they call me a jerk and tell me I have no clue what they're talking about).
But don't I? I brain birthed this little thing after a gestational period of a few months. When it first came out it was weird looking and didn't make sense and needed so many things. It kept me up many a late night, it needed constant attention, and sometimes I wished I had never given it life. But as it's grown and begun to look like something resembling a play (a real play, maybe even a half way descent play) I've come to be fond of my thesis. And one day when it's all grown up and pretty looking it'll go off into the world on its own. Really my thesis is exactly like a baby, but better (because I have never gotten covered in its feces).
As my MFA journey comes to a close and I leave Adelphi with a little bundle of papers I look back and think that while I hated this whole process at times, it has taught me so much about writing and myself and life (cue corny nostalgia music and tears?). And I never regretted it (we'll see if this holds true when my student loans have to start being paid).
...and so she lived happily ever writing. The End.
March 02, 2011 - Lindsey
The month of May, and with it the end of the semester, is steadily creeping up on us. Spring Break is in two weeks and for those of us planning on graduating our thesis's are due just a month after (in mid-April). And then before we know it commencement will be here. And we'll be the proud holders of M.F.A. degrees.
But what happens after graduation?
Some of us are planning on teaching (a site to check out if you are is: http://higheredjobs.com/), some of us our planning on going back to school (again!), and some of us have no clue (that would be me). I'm trying to be realistically optimistic. I hope to not have the same problem I did when I graduated with my B.A. in 2008, which was not being able to get a job (other than waiting tables), but at the same time I'm not counting on graduating and immediately getting my dream job. I've started casually looking at my options, but haven't begun applying anywhere (although I have been updating my resume and putting together a C.V. - actually Adelphi's career center is helpful for these sort of things). The prospect of being on the hunt for a "real" job is terrifying, and my biggest fear is being one of the starving artist types or a career waitress. I love writing, and I'm driven to do it, but I'm not certain it'll pay the bills and 6 months after I'm out of school loan payments will be added to rent, car payments, electric bills, gas bills, and grocery bills.
But I'm supposed to be trying to be optimistic. So I think for this writer, the west coast is looking the most promising. For now that's where I'm planning on heading after graduation to try my hand at breaking into Hollywood (without all the plastic surgery, that is). And if all else fails, I am a great waitress.
February 23, 2011 - Siobhan
While everyone says you should write your thesis over summer before your second year, I can tell you that despite all the work I did over the summer my thesis looks entirely different today. There were things I thought I'd fight for (ahem, flash fiction pieces) that I'm now pulling because they don't seem to fit the overall collection. There are stories I swore were finished that have gone from a flash piece no longer than a page that are now 12 or 13 pages. There are stories that I wrote a month ago taking the place of one I've been revising for an entire semester. I am actually left with more pages and stories than I need and the best part about it is that these are still stories that I love and want to continue to polish. It's nice thinking that I still have a project or two that I can continue after graduation. While my current collection might not become my first published collection of short stories, I can say that a lot of my stories (even the ones that I'm not currently including in my collection) have the potential to be a part of a collection down the road. Or, who knows, maybe they will expand into a novel idea.
A lot of this energy comes from the AWP conference. It's wonderful to be able to see writers that are at the top of their games (Mary Gaitskill, Junot Diaz, and Jhumpa Lahiri) rubbing shoulders with students. It certainly eliminates the gap between the published and the publishing challenged. I was able to attend a lot of panels that had some wonderful insights on how to get an agent, how to get that first work published, how to teach abroad and also how to participate in different organizations like Pen Organization.
It's hard to recap every experience I had there but easily one of the most important was attending the Pen Panel with one of our own professors, Martha Cooley and author of Reading Lolita in Tehran, Azar Nafisi. The organization is the oldest literary and human rights organization. The Pen American Center is the US branch and you can learn about what they do : here http://www.pen.org/page.php/prmID/142
Check it out. They're really an amazing organization!
January 31, 2011 - Siobhan
AWP! The Association of Writers and Writing Programs Conference is here again! Last year we had such a great time in Denver representing Adelphi University with six of our students presenting at the pedagogy forum. This year we'll be heading down to Washington D.C.! I'm going to be presenting again at the pedagogy forum which I'm really excited about. Basically, the pedagogy forum is a conference within a conference. It is a series of panels that are broken down in genres (poetry, fiction, drama, or multi-genre). The papers, submitted by writing educators all over the country and chosen by the pedagogy board, all discuss different aspects of teaching writing. My particular paper is about dialogue. Specifically, it's about the tendency for a lot of writers to use dialogue as a way to further plot. My paper goes on to introduce an exercise to help students to develop conflict and plot without using dialogue. Dialogue is a great way to reveal character and voice, but it shouldn't be used as a tool to further the plot. It will feel inorganic and unfounded because at the very basic point - our characters don't know about their own plots.
Other than the pedagogy forum, there are tons of panels and readings that I'm really looking forward to. I'll do my best to post throughout the conference !! Here's to hoping the snow doesn't keep us away!
January 25, 2011 - Lindsey
It seems strange to call this current semester the Spring semester, especially with all the snow Mother Nature's been dumping on us lately. But sure enough Spring 2011 is here, and for those of us second year dramatic writing it began pretty memorably.
Yesterday from 11am-5pm we had the opportunity to hear professional actors read our thesis' and give us feedback about the journeys of the characters they were reading. For me the prospect of having my work read by someone else (anyone else) is nerve racking. This is probably pretty ironic since the particular genre I'm in necessitates that others not only read my work, but perform it. In front of other people. Given this it's not surprising that I was nauseous all day, but thankfully I was the last of the three of us to hear my play, and by the time it rolled around to hearing it I had calmed down significantly (and managed not to vomit, which is always a good thing).
I had never heard my own work read by actors before, and it was quite an experience. Hearing my words said with passion and conviction, as opposed to the mumbled rambling I tend to do as I type. It was pretty amazing, even if my play is less than amazing at the moment. And it also gave me distance from my words so that I was able to hear when the story lagged, where there was too much repetition, and many other things that need improvement. After so many months of working on the same play over and over I had gotten
to a point where it all seemed fine, or made sense, or I had stopped caring if it was expressing what I wanted it to because I knew the story. Hearing it made me realize that it still needs much work. I have a long day (and semester) of revising ahead of me, but I now have more direction.
December 16, 2010 - Lindsey
It's been a while since I've even thought of our little M.F.A. blog, and even longer since I've actually devotes some time to blogging. Such is the life of a second year student here at AU, which brings me to the subject of this blog: TAKE YOUR TIME!
You can finish the M.F.A. program at AU in two years. I will hopefully be finishing in May, and this is my second year here. However, as the first semester of my second year comes to a close I'm starting to realize I should have taken my time. In your first year it is suggested that you take three classes the first semester, and three the second (the practicum being one of these). And you can successfully do this so that when May rolls around you will still feel alive, and perhaps even healthy. You could even work during this first year, and still have time to socialize, maybe visit the city, attend a play, perhaps even bar hop.
Then there's year two.
The suggested course load is lighter: two classes the first semester (the colloquium being one), and two the second (independent study is one of these), but the work is much more intense, or at least it feels that way. I wake up many a night in a cold sweat after having just had a nightmare about my thesis, or class. Anxiety and my computer are my constant companions. That's it. I don't go out, I haven't seen my friends in months, and other than working just enough to pay the rent, gas, electric, and buy groceries, I don't do anything but revise my thesis. I guess if nothing else, I'm dedicated (or obsessed, or afraid of failure, or completely insane).
Had I thought this through a bit better (and if I had the time and the money) I would have taken three years to finish the program. I would have taken one class each semester of my second year (or perhaps two each semester beginning the first year and going through the end of the second year), and devoted my third year exclusively to my thesis (taking the colloquium the first semester and my independent study the second). Had I done this maybe I would have had a little free time to see my friends and family, work more (and save up to pay those pesky student loans), read leisurely, go to the movies, and do all those little things I had taken for granted when they were commonplace in my everyday (like showering, eating something more nutritious than donuts, and doing laundry).
It's too late for me now. I've become a hermit, a slob, a madwoman, and I'm pretty sure I'm starting to develop back and vision problems from being hunched over my laptop for hours each day. Had I been less hasty to rush toward the commencement ceremony in May, I might still resemble the person who embarked on this M.F.A. journey in the Fall of 2009. So if you can, I suggest you take your time, and save your body (and perhaps your soul) from the fate mine now suffers.
November 11, 2010 - Siobhan
Second year is difficult. It also moves incredibly quickly. I'm spending a lot of my time writing and revising my thesis and the other part of my time is spent trying to figure out what I'm going to do after graduation.
The good news is that I have a lot of options.
I can't decide right now if I want to pursue teaching positions or look for jobs within the publishing world or even look into other Student Affairs Jobs in universities in the NYC area (this is my other passion.) Teaching seems like a no brainer, however, there aren't tons of job openings right now, especially not in the city. The best odds in finding teaching work is in tracing down adjunct positions. This means working as a part time faculty member at a university. You're hired on a class by class basis. It's almost like the internship of teaching which means two things. 1. It doesn't pay a ton and 2. It's often times temporary.
Student Affairs jobs would be great because I could work with students and still have an opportunity to look for adjunct positions. Speaking to others in the Student Affairs' field, they have said it's easy to teach if you're already an employee of the university. You never know.
Basically, I'm looking at attending a lot of conferences next semester. I'm definitely attending AWP (Association of Writers and Writing Programs) which I presented a paper at last year. I'm also planning on attending the ACPA (American College Personnel Association) which has a great job fair to interview for various Student Affairs positions. Mostly, I really want to stay in the college environment. There's something abuot a university, a community of people that want to know more, that makes me believe that I'll be able to maintain the push and dedication my writing will need once I'm no longer working towards a class deadline.
The good news. I have a lot of options. I have certainly been prepared to teach and I've definitely found the opportunities to develop my passion for Student Affairs at Adelphi. It's just a matter of graduating. Which means, finishing my thesis. Of course, in the meantime that means finding a job so that when my lease is up in June, I have somewhere to go! But there's good news, I keep reminding myself; I have plenty of options.
October 26, 2010 - Lindsey
Halloween is rapidly approaching, and this year (after trolling around the costume section of my local Halloween store and realizing that every single costume made for women is the equivalent of what the ladies on the HBO special Hookers & Johns wear while working) I have decided to be a zombie.
This should be a fairly easy transition. A little liquid latex, some green and black face paint, and tattered clothing and I'm there. I've already got the zombie walk down, the moaning, the vacant stare, the mostly unconscious state of mind, and the rotting flesh (well, not entirely, but I do have pretty nasty eczema). Late nights typing, classes, being a Writing Assistant, and all the other daily duties that come with adulthood (cooking, cleaning, my day job, and all that fun stuff) have zombified me.
I'm not entirely sure whether this is a good or bad thing. It certainly has made picking a Halloween costume easy. However, I have started to worry that this is not just a temporary state. Maybe this will continue after grad school. Maybe this is just the beginning of feeling overwhelmed, continually tired, and torn in too many directions to function fully in any one. And that's terrifying.
October 04, 2010 - Siobhan
This past weekend a classmate and I went to the Nuyorican Poet's Cafe. (http://www.nuyorican.org/ ) She invited me along because she's working with Poet's and Writers and found out about it that way. It's a place known for it's diverse collective of artists of all mediums: poetry, hip hop, visual art, performance art, theater, etc. People come from all walks of life, talk about all manners of the human experience and while you're probably going to be opposite in almost every way from the people around you, you can guarantee that there is one thing you will all have in common. You'll be moved.
The energy was fantastic. I wasn't expecting as much considering it just so happened that we attended an event that was focused on Suicide Prevention Awareness. It was on the schedule for a while, but it just happened that it was the close to a devastating week in our country. There is a lot in the news about suicide right now, teen suicide especially. There were a lot of poets that got up and talked about their struggles with depression and being understood and belonging. There were some very emotional moments and some hilarious ones. Ultimately, it was what I said before, it was moving.
When I say moving, I don't just mean it made my heart sore. It did, but I mean more than that. Seeing people turn to this place and this event as a way of coping with sadness was astounding. The community that existed because we all showed up and listened was unlike anything I'd seen before. It was wonderful to be a part of it, I wish more people knew that feeling. When it ended, I went home and wrote. I wrote more than just what was meant to go in my thesis and that was the most refreshing writing of all. I've been so focused on my thesis and what goes into it that I haven't thought about what doesn't. What else is going on in my head right now? What else matters? A lot! I need to be working on more than just some big project. I'm not always going to have some big project to motivate me. I will, however, hopefully always have places like the Nuyorican Poet's Cafe. I will hopefully have a place to go where people will just listen and give their full attention to my words because they want to be moved.
I'll definitely be going back, and I plan on bringing something along to read next time. I'll let you know it goes.
P.S. the title of this blog is inspired by a poet named Radar Hunter, who was just passing by the cafe and decided to do a poem for open mic. He had this amazing delivery and his poem, "Food for Thought," was one of the highlights of the open mic. One of the lines from it that I loved was : "It's better to understand a little, than misunderstand a lot, Food...for thought."
September 20, 2010 - Lindsey
I am one of those very "special" people who will do absolutely no work until the due date is within sight. For example, I have a 750 - 1000 word introduction due today. I have known about this assignment since school started on September 2nd. But I also know that I can type over 1000 words in a day, and that I don't work on Mondays. In short, it's not done yet. That's not to say that I haven't thought about it, or done the prep work for it, I have (this time) but the paper is not typed, and the hours of Monday are steadily ticking away.
I can't decide if this tendency toward procrastination is innate, or learned. High school was filled with long nights of frantically typing before a paper was due, and my undergrad experience was much the same, with a lot more red bull involved. But now, I care about what I'm writing. I've elected to pursue the M.F.A. course! And I still find myself procrastinating (by doing such things as making coffee, watching youtube, and blogging).
My greatest fear is that after I graduate and have no deadlines I won't write at all. My writing will slowly wither away to non-existence, or shrivel up and die. For now, I do have deadlines, and given that I have one today I need to get off this blog and actually do more productive typing.
September 13, 2010 - Siobhan
There has been a lot of talk recently about MFA programs and whether they are necessary or even legitimate. (How can you TEACH writing? Well, that's another blog for another day) I can tell you though, while I think they are absolutely worthwhile, I dont think they're for everyone. Here's why.
Recently we had a second Orientation session where our professors not only talked about our success in the MFA program at Adelphi, but we also attended breakout sessions for our specific genre. It was nice to finally see everyone in one place again. The semesters always get so busy and classes are hectic and work swallows our hearts and we forget that we're in this together. A huge component of the MFA program is workshopping and that means not only working with but working for your peers. We all came into this program knowing that we wanted to work on our own writing and become successful writers and get paid the big Twilight or Nicholas Sparks bucks while still holding onto some form of literary integrity. (Dare to dream, right?) However, the program is much more than that. If you want to do that, stay at home and write your novel. Buy some books about the craft of writing. The M.F.A. program is about building a community of writers. For those times twenty years down the road, when I'm stuck with this manuscript and no idea how to wrap it up, I hope that I can reach out to my current classmates and ask for advice. I hope to watch them succeed also and attend their book readings or play openings. The only way to do that is by supporting each other's writing now and that means getting invested and doing the work.
There's no point in expecting people to do this for you if you're not willing to do it for them. I'm lucky to have peers that really care about writing and offer incredibly helpful criticism on my work and any other time I ask them their opinion. Some people aren't into this. The good news for those people is that you don't NEED to get an MFA to be a writer. Not the way you NEED to go to med school to be a doctor. However, if you are into this (and by 'this' I mean a supportive network of fellow writers that care about writing and your own work and are invested in your success and you are invested in theirs) then I believe it is the number one reason to attend an M.F.A. program.
August 30, 2010 - Lindsey
School starts this week, and as I've been furiously typing my thesis (especially these past few weeks) I've found myself sputtering out the F word way more often than usual. And I do mean THE F word. I've yelled it at my computer, printer, characters, and even the poor cat when she happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time (which was on the delete button on my keyboard when I happened to take a bathroom break, and, of course, hadn't saved. I wish I was kidding).
This may not be the typical behavior one might expect from a MFA student, and perhaps my peers are far more mature than I am (or at least less anxiety ridden), but this is my way of dealing. A very unproductive way, but, a way nonetheless. I'm frustrated, frazzled, and basically freaking out. Each time I read my thesis I find something else that is F worded up, and I wonder, "What the F word have I gotten myself into?"
Well, absolutely no one said this would be easy.
But I hardly expected to experience this much fatigue, or to be this frenzied and fearful over my writing. And yet I am. And still, I can't wait to get back to Adelphi (with a near complete-ish draft of a full length play in hand and looking a fright). Writing and I have one of those very special love-hate relationships you imagine yourself having as a child.
Hopefully in the upcoming months this thesis will be hammered into a fabulous play that will help me fulfill my fate of being famous (doubtful, yes, but if I'm going to dream it's going to be big). I'm sure at times it won't be fun. But I do think it's at least feasible that at the end of my second year at AU I will have at the very least a functional play (with dysfunctional characters, those are the most fun, after all), and hopefully, I'll have a fantastic play (this is the ultimate goal).
As the weeks go by I hope I'll get out of this funk and reduce my use of the F word. Or at least stop yelling it at the cat.
August 29, 2010 - Siobhan
Well. The summer is over. Poof. Gone. I'm not quite sure what it is about being in an M.F.A. program that makes time go faster, but I am telling you, this summer just disappeared. I got enough work done to feel good going into the semester though I know that I'm going to be writing more stuff over the next year that I'm going to want in my thesis anyway. Right now, looking at the stories I have, I have some holes in terms of the collection. No big deal, If it were perfect the first time around then what would I need to go to class for?
Still, this semester is starting quickly and this also means that I'll be meeting my own class in three days. This is really exciting, the first day of school thing. However, I know that I'm going to have to be right on the ball with my own class to make sure I can keep up with the courses I'll be taking. I love a good challenge. That's exactly what this year is going to be.
Orientation tomorrow. First day Wednesday. Here goes!
August 28, 2010 - Danielle
I've recently just sat down to begin compiling my poems into a workable thesis and I realize that I've got a handful of poems that make me cringe. I don't like anything about them and I am not connected enough to the subject matter to revise them, so I've decided to part ways with them. My only fear is that, by March, when the thesis is due, I'll feel this way about even more of my poems, and then what?
August 02, 2010 - Lindsey
I just happened to look at the academic calendar for Fall 2010 today, and as it turns out my first day of classes is September 2nd.
That is just one month away!
As I sat staring in horror at the screen reading that I only have one month to finish my thesis I had to wonder: where did my summer go? It seems like just days ago I was sitting in Harvey 201 (my least favorite of all classrooms on the entire Garden City campus) discussing my feature film premise, and being told to have a great summer by Professor Kermit Frazier. And now it's August! What happened to June and July? Maybe they got lost between vacations, work, and moving, and forgot to make an appearance this summer? It's possible, right? Wherever they went I sure wish they would come back because one month to work on this play of mine is just not enough (especially because I've already started and stopped writing it at least four times, and still have little to work with). Although, I suppose, three may not be enough either... Now that I think of it, what the heck am I doing blogging? I have to get to typing that thesis!
See you all in one month: the countdown has officially begun.
